Hello everyone!
I unpleasantly awoke from my self-created "My life is great"- bubble during and after a 4- hour meeting with my professor and all the others who take exams in February. I knew I hadn´t done much for the exam yet - it´s not until February 28th - but I didn´t realize I didn´t know anything. Combined with my profs weird way of phrasing questions this ends up in total confusion. Well - I feel helpness and overwhelmed by the fact I ahev to take my final exam and do not have a clue. The grade matters a lot, by the way.
I don´t want to claim a thought as my own that has been knowns since Sokrates - but "I know that I don´t know anything" was really the line of the day yesterday.

*sigh*

What is it that I have totally lost my interest in ANYTHING that has to do with the academic world?
Does it make a difference to a) myself b) other people in my life c) the world, whether I know how to grade students? Does it? I don´t think so!!!!
What I want to do is spending my days with my friends, reading nice novels noone in the academic world has even heard of, working around the apartment, spending time with Andy, babysitting an planning the wedding.
How can Uni be something SO unimportant in my life? I used to be someone who wanted to learn. Well, I don´t anymore.
At least not at a university. Life itself teaches you its lessons anyway, I guess.
Well - I have to find a way to ignore all that as I have to finish my studies if I don´t want to end up as a TOTAL failure. Means I have to stick with it for more than another year. It sucks.